It's like Tuesdays with Morrie without all the wisdom
Posts tagged Tracy
Just Making Sure I’m Still Immature
7August 21, 2009
I just reviewed a book called Swim the Fly, which I hated. It’s supposed to be very Judd Apatow-ish and I love Judd Apatow-ish things. So when I hated this book, I thought maybe I grew up or something. Frankly, I panicked a little because if I can’t enjoy a good poop joke, I don’t even know who I am anymore.
As with all things lately, infoMania saved my sense of humor. The night that I finished my review and had my crisis of identity, Conor Knighton introduced me to a TLC show called “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant,” complete with a re-enactment of a mom who thought she was constipated, took an enema (prescribed by her frickin’ doctor. Seriously, he couldn’t be bothered to do a little palpation?), then had the, ahem, movement of her life. You can tell it’s the crap of her life because her husband is standing in the doorway of the bathroom the whole time. The day my husband stands in the doorway while my bowels are moving better be the day I move into a nursing home. When she’s done, she’s all, “Whew, I didn’t think I was gonna make it,” and her husband is like, “Way to go, sexy!” And then we hear a little mew and she says, “Did you hear that?”
*spoiler alert*
You guys, her baby was in the potty.
PS What is wrong with TLC?
So infoMania showed me that and then they showed me this:
And I laughed so hard, I thought I might give birth but I knew I wasn’t pregnant so I thought maybe I would just poo. Thank you infoMania! The best part is Sarah Haskins’ bit at about 59 seconds in. Also, when the announcer gives a promo for 2 other TLC shows, I get the feeling that those were both working titles for some TLC shows that are on the air right now. Seriously, TLC, what is wrong with you?
Turns out, I’m still immature; I just didn’t like that book. Yay!
I’m taking my immaturity on the road today in order to share it with my mom and my brother and his family in West Virginia “only 8 miles in from Maryland,” as my brother likes to say when I tell him my friends fear for our safety on West Virginian roads. My sister-in-law, Tracy, is the queen of poopy humor and they have 3 sons, so I’ll be in good company. She and I are going to run a 5-mile race on Saturday in MARYLAND, while my sister, Tracey, and her friends run the Crim 10-miler in Michigan. Good luck, everybody! And remember what you learned today: If you have cramps, don’t risk gassing because you’ll probably poo!
Well Now I Have to Run Another One
4I know I said I would never run another half marathon, but I lied. I needed a goal, so I tricked a couple of cousins and my sister-in-law into running the Capital City half with me so I couldn’t back out. I didn’t back out and I felt 100% better before, during, and after this one than I did the first time around. Probably because I ran this one much slower than the first one, although my training for this one led me to believe I would run it faster than the first one. I don’t know what went wrong, but I do know it’s hard for me to push myself. It was clear around mile 3 that I was way off my goal pace, but I just kind of shrugged and sighed and kept on running slowly. I don’t have that drive that would enable me to sacrifice my comfort in order to meet a goal. I like to be comfortable. But I’m going to try to be goal-oriented next time. Unless it hurts too much. I can handle the emotional pain of not meeting my goal much better than I can handle the physical pain of, well, meeting my goal.
Anyway, WE FRICKIN’ DID IT!
That’s us immediately post-race: Jenna, me, Tracy, and Mandy.
We spent the rest of the day with lots of beer and ibuprofen:
And I have to just say right here how lovely my husband was all weekend. He cleaned for us, he fetched for us, he took care of the children, he let me nap the day away when I finally came down off of my endorphin high on Sunday. He was just all-around lovely and he helped make the weekend (my birthday weekend, by the way. I’m 34 today!) extra special. And we’re doing it again in October so my sister can join in.
Now I have to go enjoy my birthday. Bryan took the day off work in order to pamper me, so I guess I should let him rub my feet or something. *sigh*
I’m Not Painting Over the Graffiti
5April 28, 2009
It’s the little touches that make a house a home and I say the graffiti stays. After all, does your house have graffiti? No? How sad for you. I also think the weight bench is a nice touch and is in keeping with the style of the unfinished part of the basement.
I added some more pictures, if anyone is still interested in the snoozy story of our house. I’m still painting stuff. I don’t have pics of the girls’ rooms all put together and lovely yet because I haven’t done the dots and peace symbols yet. Soon!
Two of my cousins and my sister-in-law (the one who is always a bad influence on me at Easter) are coming to stay with us this weekend because we’re all running the Capital City Half Marathon together. I’m excited about that. My sister-in-law’s name is Tracy and my sister’s name is TracEy. Is that confusing to you? My kids call my sister “Aunt Tracey” and they call my sister-in-law “Different Aunt Tracey.” They don’t know how right they are. TracEy was going to come down for the race, too, but she is cursed with an ultra-talented daughter who is the lead in her high school’s production of Little Shop of Horrors, which happens to open this weekend. My niece is kind of a big deal. I’m going to buy a copy of the dvd and everybody who visits me over the summer will have to watch it over and over.
One more thing, after I posted that picture of the Pacer with the chick standing next to it, somebody said something about all women in the 70s looking like that, so I want to give you a clearer picture of my mother during the late 70s/early 80s. This is exactly what she looked like, down to the roller skates:
She looked so much like Linda Ronstadt that I would stare at that album cover wondering how in the world they decided to put my mother on the cover. Was there a contest? Did they just see her at the roller rink and snap a picture? And why didn’t they just put this Linda Ronstadt person on the cover? I thought maybe it was because she was ugly and they didn’t want her on the cover. But then I thought about the albums in my dad’s collection with Garfunkel on the cover, and I decided ugliness must not be an issue. It was so perplexing, but I never asked anyone about it and it was years before I realized that my mom was not a famous album cover model. I’m quick like that.
It’s April!
4April 15, 2009
April is just a month full of celebrating around here. Well, celebrating and saying things like, “Really? Is this how old we are? Do we have kids who are going to be 10 years old on Friday? And did we just celebrate our 13th anniversary on Monday? There must be something wrong with the maths.”
The maths are wrong, baby, cuz your hotness is rockin’!
Easter was lovely, except it needs to last much longer so my family can stay much longer and we can have, like, an 8-day feast instead of a weekend binge where we drink and eat too much and hurt ourselves. If we knew it would last longer, we could pace ourselves. I promise we would pace ourselves. My sister and I discovered that it doesn’t really matter what kind of wine a person drinks. If that person drinks too much of it, that person’s belly gets mad at them and punishes them. In other words, it’s not the quality, it’s the quantity. My sister-in-law is wise and she knew that already. She and my brother and brother-in-law, along with Bryan, were able to go to the Ohio Deli (as seen on Man vs Food!) and eat and eat on Saturday, while my sister and my mom and I stayed with the kids. Well, my mom stayed with the kids. Tracey and I just laid around and said, “Shhhh!” But now we know. Damn.
My Columbus friends were able to meet my family and that was lovely. I felt like I should be more nervous about it for some reason, but I wasn’t because Kristen, Dawn and Lynne are just Ohio versions of me, my sister and my sister-in-law. I don’t branch out much in my friendships. And the husbands? All of the husbands are beaten down by perfect matches for their loud and lovely wives, so we love all of them, too. Even my brother. I never found the bellybutton lint he hid here, but I have a feeling he hid it on my pillow. Just thinking about it gives me chills. Or, maybe he unscrewed the screen on the showerhead and put it in there so I shower in lint leavings every morning. Ew!
With that, I’ll leave you with another disturbing image. Everybody knows that My L1ttle Ponies love Easter. I just didn’t know how much they love it until I walked in the bathroom and found this little filly enjoying Maya’s Easter basket. In front of the mirror. Seriously, H@sbro, who designs your baskets*?
*I didn’t buy this basket. My mother-in-law bought it for Maya 2 or 3 years ago. I didn’t even notice what the little pony was doing until I saw her watching herself in the mirror with that look in her eye.
P.S. Don’t ask me what Maya’s basket was doing in the bathroom. Nobody wants to know.
Happy Good Friday!
4April 10, 2009
In honor of Jesus’ death, let’s everybody take a moment today and ponder the fact that He loved everybody. And then got crucified for it. I’m going to be more like Him and take the shunning that comes from being inclusive like the bad-ass that He taught me to be.
While I ponder this (and, perhaps, draw parallels between my life and His), I’ll be waiting for my mom, my brother, my sister-in-law, my nephews, my sister, and my brother-in-law to come visit. They’re all coming today! And staying for Easter, when my Columbus friends and families will join us all for brunch. And I’m going to pretend that I gave up sugar for Lent and eat it like I haven’t eaten it in 6 weeks. There will be baked goods; Oh, yes. There will be baked goods. And then they’ll be gone like a baked goods rapture. Poof! Amen.
Saturday night, my brother is playing and singing at Gresso’s from 9:00pm-1:00am. Bryan and I find it difficult to stay up to watch a half-hour tv show these days, so we’ve scheduled some naptime on Saturday so we can stay up. You should do that, too, and meet us there. It will be fun, I promise. He sings some Kings of Leon and some Neil Young and some stuff I don’t know because I’m not hip and some more stuff I don’t know because I’m not that old. (He was born in the 60s, so his musical frame of reference is way different than mine.) Some people think he’s good, but I’m not going to say that because he used to tie his dirty sweat sock around my face and gag me with the stench of his sweaty, hairy feet. And also when he and my sister babysat for me, they would wait until I fell asleep and then put horseradish or mustard in my mouth. Bryan thinks we have a lock on the bedroom door for other reasons, but really it’s because of the trauma of waking up to a mouthful of horseradish while two giggling teenagers fall all over themselves snorting with laughter and wiping the tears of hilarity out of their eyes. I hope they had fun. Idiots.
