Sundays with Stretchy Pants

Wow, we watched so much C-Span last night! It felt like C-Span anyway. I tried to force my kids to watch it and educate themselves, you know, in order to be armed with knowledge against the commie regime, but they were like, “Uh, I need to make a Woogi World video,” and I said, “Fine, it’s a free country.” FOR NOW!

My favorite part was the verbal voting. Congress would shout “yay” or “nay” and the Speaker would just say, “The ayes have it,” and then everybody would be like, “WTF? Count it for real, Douche!” Oh, I loved that every time. It was teh awesome.

I’m going to celebrate by giving myself a heart attack by eating this stick of butter that I have right here. You know, since all you suckers are paying for my health care now, I want to get as sick as I can! They warned you this would happen!

No, seriously, let’s celebrate by watching this. I think this will be the 3rd time I post this on my blog, which is more often than I’ve posted about my crazy grandma. Suck it up.

Marinating in babies.

You could put that Will.I.Am Yes We Can song on a cat food commercial and it would make me cry. Here it is trying to make Lena and Liberty’s review of Nikki Grimes’ Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope review less, well, boring. It was the end of the day and neither of them was really into doing the review, but just like the Gosselins, we don’t have child labor laws in this house so I made them do it. And it was boring. And I told them it was boring and they were like, “Yeah? Well? It’s a boring book.” And then I called them racist and sent them to bed.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter if it’s a boring book. It’s important to learn about important people in history. And now that he’s our president, I felt comfortable putting it on Kids Know Stuff. I didn’t feel comfortable before because I thought somebody would see it and then make me review that John McCain book by his heir-head daughter. I just can’t support Meghan McCain. As a daughter from my dad’s first marriage, it enrages me that she excluded Sen. McCain’s first marriage and her own half-brothers (half-, not even step-) from the book. Plus, she’s super rich and not that talented. I heard her once on NPR and she was all, “Like, yeah, it was super sweet writing that, like, book about my, um, dad and stuff?” And then I punched the car radio in the face.

Why am I still talking about politics? I’m not, I’m talking about my kids. That’s why this post is going under the “I Homeschool” category and not “I Like Politics?” I homeschool. And part of homeschooling is Kids Know Stuff. And part of homeschooling is being called racist by your mother. They have to learn.

Do you see that? There, in the bottom right corner? Cool. Just in case you can’t see it very well:

That’s right. Barack Obama really is our next president. Woohoo!

We had a little party over here last night. I thought when I woke up this morning, Mr. President-Elect would’ve had this place all cleaned up, but he didn’t. I’m beginning to regret my vote. I voted for change and it’s all just the same: I went to bed with a dirty house and woke up with a dirty house. Kidding!

Sorry about the delay in the acceptance speech, but he was busy emailing me to thank me for everything I did for his campaign:

I’m about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.
We just made history.

…

But I want to be very clear about one thing…
All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,
Barack

Yup, we’re friends. What? Other people got that email too? Well, it’s just because Barack has lots of friends. It doesn’t make my email any less special.

So the kids filled out the electoral college map with red and blue stickers. It came with the School House Rock Election Collection DVD.

They seemed to have fun with that, but they kind of balked at watching the acceptance speech. But Dawn and Kristen and Lynne and I weren’t having it. We forced them to watch history happen and, dammit, we forced them to like it. I liked it. Did you like it? If not, were you as gracious about it as Sen. McCain? Or did you boo like his a-hole supporters did every time he mentioned Obama in his concession speech? That was lame. But I thought McCain’s speech was excellent. Very classy. Now I have to make like Obama and clean up! Have a good first-day-not-worrying-about-the-election! Unless you live in Minnesota.

I saw this on Feministe: