Sundays with Stretchy Pants

A Weird Thing

I’ve been buying alcohol legally for 14 years, but I used a fake ID for 4 years. Fourteen is quite a lot longer than 4, yet every single time I buy myself some beers to drink on my patio, my heart pounds and I get an adrenaline rush just like when I used that fake ID. It was a perfect ID, too. An actual ID that belonged to someone who looked like me. Back in those days, if you found an over-21 person who looked a little bit like you, you could say, “Hey, I’ll pay for your new license if you give me your old license,” and (if they were in love with your older brother) they would say, “That sounds like an excellent plan! I’ve been wanting to spend some time at the Secretary of State’s office! Super!” And the person with poor taste in boys could just take another form of ID (just one!) and say, “Uh, I lost my license,” and they would make her a new one lickity-split! Win/Mother effin’ WIN. These days, though, thanks to 9/11 and, uh, reality teevee, I bet the kids can’t do that anymore. Score one for being old!

That ID was awesome. It was only questioned one time and that was in a Chesaning gas station, where the clerk looked at the ID, looked at me, and said, “I went to school with that girl, and you ain’t her.” Luckily, I had cat-like reflexes and I grabbed the ID real quick and snarled, “What. Ever. You’re, like, 30 years old! Ugh!” And then I ran away. To the gas station next door. I didn’t care, because Boone’s Farm was 3 for $5 everywhere, so I didn’t need that stupid gas station!

What is my point? Body memory. Yes, that’s it. I think it’s interesting that my body remembers, “Hey, we’re buying beer. Let’s be scared!” I would think that the eyeballs would tell the heart, “Dude, it’s not Boone’s Farm and Busch Light, so I think we’re legal now.” So when I talked about Spring being stupid last month, and didn’t want to cut myself some slack, that was dumb. So the slack has been cut now. I get it. And when I forget, I’ll buy myself some beers in order to remember. Win/Mother effin’ WIN again!

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Maya is a Country Girl

Maya decided to make her bed this morning and when I heard her singing and blasting The Man in Black from her hot pink cd player, I had to get it on video.

She’s been in a country phase lately, and she asked me to put some Johnny Cash and John Denver on a cd for her very own self so I did. When she has a friend over, she listens to “Country Roads” and mournfully says, “My Grandma Marilyn moved in West Virginia! This song makes me miss her and Michigan so much,” while her friend pats her back and Maya suppresses a coy little smile.

The best thing about the video, besides the adorable kid, is the fact that she’s standing on a bed that used to belong to her Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Aldrich, and among the hundreds of blankets are a blanket that Grandma Marilyn gave us, a little afghan made by her Great-Grandma Aldrich, a little afghan made by her Grandma Sheryl, a fleece blanket made by her Nana, and a little quilt made by my very first best friend, Julie. Priceless heirlooms, every one. That’s the way that country girl rolls.

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TGIMay

I like to take a big chunk of April off. It feels good. May is my favorite. Obviously, I’m a narcissistic naval gazer, so my birth month would be my favorite. Duh.

Things I’ve been enjoying the heck out of lately:

Season 3 of Big Love
Making beans in the crockpot
Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family by Ellyn Satter (I don’t ever read books like that, but Dawn’s First Guest Blog Series Ever introduced me to Katja Rowell M.D. and the Satter book. Life changing, for real. Check it.)
My kids wrapped my birthday presents in a Twilight movie bag, knowing that I would love to opportunity to deface and destroy it. (We all hate Twilight for its abusive relationship marketed to young girls as romance). Smart and funny kids=best birthday present ever.
Saying “heck” whenever I can, affecting Bill Henrickson’s look of confusion and/or horror:

I love that Bill would say, “My gosh, just what in the heck do you think you’re doing?” even if he were witnessing a murder.

What are you enjoying right now? Let’s get reacquainted!

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Eleven Looks Like This

Happy 11th birthday to Lena and Liberty! They’re partying with their friends and they just finished opening presents. We made up a little scavenger hunt for them and at the end, they found a video that told them what their big present was. Shout out to my awesome sister-in-law, Tracy, who came up with the gift idea. Below you’ll find the video with their priceless reaction after. They’re having a good birthday so far. I’m glad because these girls rock and I’m so proud of them.