I’m over at Ohio Moms Blog today. Check it. I say this in it:

Do you know why I love taxes? I love taxes because I can pay them and then I can use the things that the taxes pay for! Schools, emergency services, old people stuff, libraries, parks, it’s all MINE!

My favorite part was the verbal voting. Congress would shout “yay” or “nay” and the Speaker would just say, “The ayes have it,” and then everybody would be like, “WTF? Count it for real, Douche!” Oh, I loved that every time. It was teh awesome.

I’m going to celebrate by giving myself a heart attack by eating this stick of butter that I have right here. You know, since all you suckers are paying for my health care now, I want to get as sick as I can! They warned you this would happen!

No, seriously, let’s celebrate by watching this. I think this will be the 3rd time I post this on my blog, which is more often than I’ve posted about my crazy grandma. Suck it up.

Marinating in babies.

Do you see that? There, in the bottom right corner? Cool. Just in case you can’t see it very well:

That’s right. Barack Obama really is our next president. Woohoo!

We had a little party over here last night. I thought when I woke up this morning, Mr. President-Elect would’ve had this place all cleaned up, but he didn’t. I’m beginning to regret my vote. I voted for change and it’s all just the same: I went to bed with a dirty house and woke up with a dirty house. Kidding!

Sorry about the delay in the acceptance speech, but he was busy emailing me to thank me for everything I did for his campaign:

I’m about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.
We just made history.

…

But I want to be very clear about one thing…
All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,
Barack

Yup, we’re friends. What? Other people got that email too? Well, it’s just because Barack has lots of friends. It doesn’t make my email any less special.

So the kids filled out the electoral college map with red and blue stickers. It came with the School House Rock Election Collection DVD.

They seemed to have fun with that, but they kind of balked at watching the acceptance speech. But Dawn and Kristen and Lynne and I weren’t having it. We forced them to watch history happen and, dammit, we forced them to like it. I liked it. Did you like it? If not, were you as gracious about it as Sen. McCain? Or did you boo like his a-hole supporters did every time he mentioned Obama in his concession speech? That was lame. But I thought McCain’s speech was excellent. Very classy. Now I have to make like Obama and clean up! Have a good first-day-not-worrying-about-the-election! Unless you live in Minnesota.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfjQujYrfEk

A couple of times when he saw my face turn red and noticed the arch of my eybrows and the cock of my head that usually signifies the beginning of a verbal onslaught accompanied by The Tone, he had to squeeze my shoulder and whisper through clenched teeth, “Do not get involved. Promise me you will not get involved. Here, drink this! Drink it faster!” I don’t know what he was so afraid of.

For the record, there are lots of Obama supporters in the family on both sides, but it was still plenty disconcerting scary interesting to be around the very few McCain supporters. My dad accused me of brainwashing my children, so I had to tell him and his girlfriend that brainwashing wasn’t necessary, as my daughters are afraid Sarah Palin is coming for their uteruses, which made Maya say, “Does Sarah Palin want to take my uterus?” To which I replied very sweetly, “No honey, she just wants to be the boss of your uterus. But we know she’s not the boss of your uterus, right? Who’s the boss of your uterus?” And she very proudly pointed to herself and said, “JUST ME!” Good times. In fact, that visit was so fun and has me feeling so bipartisan-ish today that I’m going to post a “Women for McCain” video that my sister-in-law, Tracy sent me.

Don’t forget to vote tomorrow!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tl6qKcMC3A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaAaKJEBJI4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq8Uc5BFogE

(Thanks Terreece.)

I don’t want to discourage people from volunteering, but last night was hard. The first time I did it, I talked to about 7 people out of almost 70. Last night, almost half of my 48 calls were answered. By grumpy people. There were some bright spots, but my very first call started with, “That bastard isn’t getting my vote!” which I thought was rude even for a McCain supporter. Some of the people who answered just wanted to keep their vote private, which I understand so we just chatted a little bit, and I tried to suck up to them and make rainbows and unicorns travel through the phone lines, but I don’t know if that works when I’m calling from a cell phone. (By the way, Lena drew a picture yesterday and the caption was, “I HATE UNICORNS!” Is this the beginning of the slippery slope to being goth?) Sometimes I found myself randomly shouting, “COLIN POWELL!” which would make the person kind of stutter and say, “Uh, yeah, he’s a…he’s a real good guy…and I respect him a lot,” and then I would try to convince them that if Colin Powell says so, we should vote for Obama. But most of the people I talked to claimed to be undecided. And when I was talking to those people, I really wished I hadn’t seen this clip from The Daily Show because I really felt like saying the things that Samantha Bee and Jason Jones start saying at about 2:30 in this video:

Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he’s a Christian. He’s always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no, that’s not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, “He’s a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists.” This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

I cried. Did you cry? I did. Because he’s Colin frickin’ Powell and he’s finally saying what I wish all of the other powerful people would say. Even if he came out to endorse McCain, I would have still felt the same surge of extra respect. Endorsing Obama is just the icing on the Colin Powell cake.

As for the Sarah Palin on SNL, I’m confused by my feelings. First of all, she wasn’t funny. Second, she just kind of seemed like a punching bag, which I love, but that also makes things murky for me because here’s this woman who isn’t smart enough to realize that just because she’s on Saturday Night Live doesn’t mean she’s in on the joke. She was still the butt of the joke and the fact that she wasn’t smart enough to realize that and not put herself in that situation speaks to her desperate ignorance even more than any terrible Katie Couric interview. It’s one thing for Tina Fey to do her hilarious imitation of her when Palin isn’t there, but I couldn’t believe that Palin felt good about standing there while Alec Baldwin went on a tirade about her, calling her “that horrible woman” and her only comeback was to tell him that Stephen is her favorite Baldwin brother.

I was afraid that they would write some really funny stuff for her and then she would seem human and hilarious, but that’s not what happened. Remember when Hillary Clinton was on SNL? It was good and funny and smart. And, of course, the writers wrote better for Clinton, but I think that Palin should’ve been savvy enough to realize that the writers would not do that for her. At every turn, I thought it looked like they were all laughing at her, not with her. And it made me feel weird, like, as a woman, which was confusing because I really, really abhor her as a VP candidate, so I would think I would have just laughed at her, but I didn’t. I don’t even know if there’s a word for how I felt. I thought I would be happy that she didn’t have any good lines, but it just made me go, “Holy cow, you really are that dumb.” And it made me sad-ish. And scared. What if we have a VP who is that dumb? That would be bad.

So I walked around with a furrowed brow all weekend wondering why I have any feeling other than, “Haha! You’re dumb,” and wondering why I would even hope that she would be show us a glimmer of intellect. I guess I’m just going to chalk it up to the fact that she’s a woman and when a woman with that much power looks bad, I worry that we all look bad. Way to go, Palin. You are a ridiculous embarrassment and now I’ll never be chosen as anybody’s VP candidate. You’re ruining it for everybody.