Sundays with Stretchy Pants

I never ever have the urge to pay full price to go to the movies. I always wait until they’re at the dollar theater. Actually, we only see kids movies at the dollar theater. Bryan and I like to watch movies over the course of a couple of nights in the comfort of our own bed, falling asleep and saying, “I was just resting my eyes; I heard everything.” We’re sexy like that.  However, I will spend all of my pennies and sacrifice my physical comfort in order to see Coraline next weekend. Not Friday night (I’m not a billionaire!), but definitely a matinee on Saturday or Sunday.

Kids Know Stuff has had a few hits from people searching things like, “Coraline too scary for kids” or “Coraline and kids” because of Lena’s review of Coraline in graphic novel form. I can say that it most definitely would have been too scary for Lena and Liberty even just a couple of years ago at 7, but it’s not too scary for Maya at 5. Maya came out of the womb fearless and in charge. Lena and Liberty were immediately enamored and afraid of her. Maya cemented their fear by spitting up on Lena the first time she held her. She has ruled over them ever since.

Lena and Liberty used to be afraid of  Snow White, scary music, kids shows with suspense, implied violence, puppets, dogs, cats, hamsters, shoes that light up, jack-in-the-boxes, fish tanks, the toy aisle at Meijer, the washing machine, the dryer, play dough, yogurt, and stuffed animals. Oh, and Koosh balls. But now they love violence. And they want to kill puppets. That doll in the video? Liberty giggled when her mouth got torn up. Maya immediately tried to do it to one of her dolls. I covered my eyes and I will probably have a bad dream about it. Anyway, we’ll go see Coraline and Maya will come with us because the only thing she fears is the day that Lena and Liberty suddenly realize that she’s not the boss of them.

My God, why haven’t I been watching The Big Lebowski every day for the last 10 years? I know you all know this already, but that’s a good movie. It makes me feel like I gotta get me some more Jesus, though. Not that Jesus, this Jesus:

I just took my music player thingy off of auto-play. I wanted it to play These Are the Days automatically in honor of our anniversary because that’s what I walked down the aisle to, but it’s back to same ol’ same ol’ now. Because it’s not our anniversary anymore. Everything’s back to same ol’ same ol’. Well, almost everything. We’re dragging it out just a bit longer because Kristen will be watching our kids tonight while Bryan and I go to Studio 35 to drink hard cider and watch Run Fat Boy Run. It’s just a big ol’ 3-night anniversary extravaganza! Saturday night, we stayed close to home and watched Dan in Real Life together. Last night, we ate ice cream and watched 30 Rock and The Soup on TiVo (enough links already, look it up on your own if you don’t know what those shows are. Sheesh.) We like to watch tv/movies and eat snacks. Don’t judge us. You guys probably do boring stuff, too.

Anyway, now I’m going to the grocery store without my kids because I spend less money that way. Also, if they don’t come with me, I don’t have to undo all of the damage that the magazines at the checkout line do. This article (ok, one more link) at Racialicious talks about one kind of issue that needs to be undone, but I also have to work really hard to undo the images caused by headlines like, “Stolen in the Night! Why Your Child isn’t Safe at Home,” or “What You Need to Know about the Dangers of Breathing Air!” or “What Would Your Child Do if You Died Right Now? It Happens EVERY DAY! You, Yes You Reading This…You Could be ORPHANED!” My kids don’t like that crap. And I’m not good at assuaging fear since I’m a Fearful Fannie, too. It’s likely that we could very well end up huddled on the floor, crying and holding each other after a trip to the checkout lane. If they’re not with me, I don’t read the headlines and I can go on living in my little bliss bubble. Ta-ta!

Daniel Day Lewis, if you want me to have your baby, I will. I mean, I’m all done with that because it’s kind of a pain and stuff, but for you I might change my mind. Better yet, you could have my baby. It could happen, I read it on the internet. (P.S. only read the title to that post that I just linked to. Don’t bother with the rest of the details, like the fact that the man has a uterus. We’ll worry about that later.) Seriously, though, you’re kind of awesome. My husband and I watched There Will Be Blood last night and I didn’t even realize how boring the first half of it was because I was so distracted by your beauty. Really awesome second half, btw. Good job on that. Call me.