Sundays with Stretchy Pants

Since I gave you a dirty, dirty video yesterday, I thought I’d give you one that is sweet and homemade, like cookies. See if you can find the metaphor.

*spoiler alert*
The reason the “oh me me” person wasn’t allowed to go along with the “come on” person is because the “oh me me” person is a gay and the “come on” person is a prominent church leader. At least, that’s what I gathered from Maya’s explanation that the “come on” person, “thinks mean is nice and nice is mean.” It’s clearly a metaphor for homophobic attitudes in the name of religion. I had to add “in the name of religion” because who else thinks mean is nice and nice is mean? They think it’s nice to try to convert homosexuals, and they think nice loving homosexual relationships are mean. The end.

Most nights, in the wee hours of  morning (you know, 12:10 am) this wee little one comes sneaking into our wee little bed. At first, she clings to the edge right next to me, but she slowly worms her way into a position that is more in keeping with her idea of her importance as the baby of the family. And we have a full size bed.

We are not reluctant family bedders by any means. It’s how we roll and we dig it. We used to have bigger beds, appropriate for all kinds of family bed configurations. We started with a queen, then a twin pushed up to the queen, then a full and a queen together, then back to just a queen when Lena and Liberty stopped coming in our bed every night, then we needed a new mattress and my in-laws were getting rid of a like-new full mattress, so we snatched it up thinking Maya’s just one kid, how much space can she take up? The answer is: As much as she wants.

We have always wanted a king size bed, but it has never worked out, what with being hopelessly cheap budget-minded and hopelessly afraid of having to move such a large bed. But now that we  have a house and that full size mattress is nearing the end of its life and we still have bedtime barnacles, it’s time to spring for a proper king size bed. Even Lena and Liberty like to have a turn sleeping in there once in a while, but that takes much planning and there just isn’t room for Bryan’s long arms and legs, plus either Lena’s or Liberty’s Bryan-in-miniature long arms and legs, plus me. Forget about princess wing-span joining in.

Also, evening family lounging is our favorite thing. It would be lovely if we could all cuddle up on the big bed and read books or watch movies or play games together like in the old queen plus full days. And it would be super lovely to not wake up with Maya’s elbow in my mouth.

I already blogged this at Ohio Moms Blog, but I think that’s not actually going to launch for real until after the first of the year or something, so then it won’t really make sense. Also, I used my manners and didn’t swear and I didn’t even talk about my zit. I used the code word “anxiety” for it.

Anyway, remember this?

At the beginning of the Christmas season, I’m very excited. We take a look at the Christmas savings account and budget out everybody on our list and we’re very committed to staying within the budget, which means if we want our kids to have a good time on Christmas morning after hearing us say no to them all year long, and if we want to donate anything like food, toys, or whatever to wherever, then we have to cut things out of the budget. No problem! Christmas is for the kids, right? Cut out buying for adults, and cut out sending Christmas cards to every person I’ve ever met in my whole life. Take another look at the budget and it looks gooooood! The kids are going to have fun! The kids are going to be able to pick out some things to donate! Our parents will get a picture of the kids, a kid-made craft and a nice note saying something to the effect of, “We gave your present to somebody else. Love you!” instead of a Snuggie. We feel good about this.

And then I start wrapping. And then I hear George Costanza in my head saying, “I gave him Yankee tickets, he gave me a piece of paper that says, ‘I’ve given your gift to someone else’!” And then I feel stressed. Not enough to return some of the kids’ presents in order to buy something for the adults because, dammit, Christmas is for the kids! Just enough to harass the kids into making more crafts. And to grow a nice zit. That’s all. (FYI, this close to Christmas, I can only say “Christmas is for the kids!” through clenched teeth with a crazy look in my eye. Sometimes I repeat it over and over while the children shush me and pat my head.)

Do you have Christmas anxiety that stems from a fictional character? Do you think maybe I watch to much tv? Do you go into debt to buy something nice for your mother  and she still says, “Is that how you’re wearing your hair these days?” If so, tell your story so I have something to read while I mindlessly play with my huge zit.

For lazy, loungy holidays and the people I get to share them with in real life, on the phone, and on the internet. I love my people.

I had a better quality picture, but I love that it’s almost noon and they’re in their jammies, lounging all over each other, playing pretend together. I should probably get in the shower. I know everybody at dinner will be thankful for that.

Maya made that for me. She said it’s called, “Rainbow with a Yellow Polka-Dot,” but I’m pretty sure its full title is “Rainbow with a Yellow Polka-Dot: A Tribute to Womanhood.” Or, because she made it specifically for me, “Rainbow with a Yellow Polka-Dot: The Healing Peace of Homebirth,” or “Rainbow with a Yellow Polka-Dot: The Yellow Light of Life.” I don’t know, I’m no art major, but it just seems like there’s more to it.