It's like Tuesdays with Morrie without all the wisdom
I have a husband
It’s April!
4April 15, 2009
April is just a month full of celebrating around here. Well, celebrating and saying things like, “Really? Is this how old we are? Do we have kids who are going to be 10 years old on Friday? And did we just celebrate our 13th anniversary on Monday? There must be something wrong with the maths.”
The maths are wrong, baby, cuz your hotness is rockin’!
Easter was lovely, except it needs to last much longer so my family can stay much longer and we can have, like, an 8-day feast instead of a weekend binge where we drink and eat too much and hurt ourselves. If we knew it would last longer, we could pace ourselves. I promise we would pace ourselves. My sister and I discovered that it doesn’t really matter what kind of wine a person drinks. If that person drinks too much of it, that person’s belly gets mad at them and punishes them. In other words, it’s not the quality, it’s the quantity. My sister-in-law is wise and she knew that already. She and my brother and brother-in-law, along with Bryan, were able to go to the Ohio Deli (as seen on Man vs Food!) and eat and eat on Saturday, while my sister and my mom and I stayed with the kids. Well, my mom stayed with the kids. Tracey and I just laid around and said, “Shhhh!” But now we know. Damn.
My Columbus friends were able to meet my family and that was lovely. I felt like I should be more nervous about it for some reason, but I wasn’t because Kristen, Dawn and Lynne are just Ohio versions of me, my sister and my sister-in-law. I don’t branch out much in my friendships. And the husbands? All of the husbands are beaten down by perfect matches for their loud and lovely wives, so we love all of them, too. Even my brother. I never found the bellybutton lint he hid here, but I have a feeling he hid it on my pillow. Just thinking about it gives me chills. Or, maybe he unscrewed the screen on the showerhead and put it in there so I shower in lint leavings every morning. Ew!
With that, I’ll leave you with another disturbing image. Everybody knows that My L1ttle Ponies love Easter. I just didn’t know how much they love it until I walked in the bathroom and found this little filly enjoying Maya’s Easter basket. In front of the mirror. Seriously, H@sbro, who designs your baskets*?
*I didn’t buy this basket. My mother-in-law bought it for Maya 2 or 3 years ago. I didn’t even notice what the little pony was doing until I saw her watching herself in the mirror with that look in her eye.
P.S. Don’t ask me what Maya’s basket was doing in the bathroom. Nobody wants to know.
Shhhh!
10July 16, 2008
by Abby
in I have a husband
Bryan got a new job. Shhh! According to him, if we talk about it out loud it might not come true. Even though he signed his employment letter thingy and passed a drug test and background check (whew! Those aliases really come in handy when you’re living a life of crime) we’re not supposed to say anything about it until he’s been working there for, like, 20 years. (more…)
34!
2June 20, 2008
by Abby
in I have a husband
Happy birthday, Bryan! (See father’s day post for mushy gushy love stuff.) You rock. I’m lucky. Glad you were born, blah, blah, blah. Super glad, I swear. It’s not my fault you were born so close to father’s day and now I can’t think of more good stuff to write so quickly.
Super Cute.
No Experience Necessary
3June 15, 2008
Watching Bryan become a father has been one of the highlights of my life. The first time he changed a diaper was when Lena passed some meconium in the NICU within her first hours of life and the nurse just handed her to him and walked away. It was fricking sticky meconium and the man just figured it out on the fly. Sink or swim. I remember when my now 10-year-old niece was born and we visited her together for the first time. We had been married for almost 2 years and we were on our way to being ready to start trying to have a baby. I thrust that 3-day-old baby at him despite his desperate protests of, “I’ll practice holding my own kid!” With my sister videotaping the scene, Bryan just kind of let the baby flop around on his chest and, if you watch that video, you can hear me saying shrieking, “She’s gonna cry, Bryan! Hold her up, Bryan! Get her comfortable, Bryan! Watch her neck, Bryan!” Sure enough, the baby wailed and Bryan failed the test. It was a silly test, but I couldn’t help but wonder.
If I knew then what I know now, I never would have had a doubt. Those first days and weeks and months he was thrown into the thick of things and he picked up all of the essential skills with ease and grace. Those skills that we can measure are one thing, but seeing him develop all of those intangible good-father skills has been the most amazing thing. And he treats me pretty well, too. I’m sure treating the mom right is an essential component of fatherhood that will come in so handy for these girls when they’re older.
Happy father’s day, Bryan. You have truly mastered this gig. I couldn’t be prouder to call you my husband, and I couldn’t be happier for the girls who get to call you daddy.
Budget Schmudget
2May 6, 2008
The gov’mint’s about ta give us a check, y’all!
We’re going to West Virginia unless our van costs a billion dollars to fix. Melissa, I know you’re worried about us getting accosted by some hilljack iff’n our van busts up on the way, but don’t worry. We’re taking precautions. First, we’re going to stop off at a gas station about an hour east of here where we’re sure to be able to find a Bush/Cheney ’04 bumper sticker as well as any number of these awesome bumper stickers. If we break down in the hills, we’ll slap those puppies on real quick-like. Also, we’ve been watching Squidbillies enough so we will be able to affect a native accent and attitude if need be. And the most important thing that will keep us safe? The fact that Bryan and I could pass for brother and sister. Nothing puts a god-fearing hillbilly at ease like incest.
Typing all that makes me wonder how my brother and sister-in-law have survived there. Tracy, do the people know you volunteer for Hillary’s campaign? Watch yourself.
Happy birthday to lots of people today. I know 5 people IRL who have a birthday today, so I assume that most of you who read this have a birthday today, too. Happy birthday!
