It's like Tuesdays with Morrie without all the wisdom
I am feckless
Feckless Friday: Panic! At the Whole Foods Edition
16September 25, 2009
by Abby
in I am feckless
There are two things that I buy at Whole Foods: Ecover dishwashing powder (because it’s the only brand that works) and Snowville Creamery 1/2 and 1/2 (because Weiland’s is always, always out of it and it’s soooo flippin’ good). But one time, I needed chia seeds and hemp powder and raw cocoa and goji berries in order to boost my post-run green smoothies, so I had to go there. If you’re not familiar, that store is huge and just way too hip for me and just too, too much. I called Kristen no less than 3 times while looking for those 3 things. But that’s not the worst part.
After that, the kids and I got some pizza from their cafeteria-type thing. Holy crap, mine had pears, bacon, and gorgonzola on it and I almost converted to making the Whole Foods pizza counter a weekly thing. We ate, gathered up all of our garbage, er, “waste” and when I looked around to where we were supposed to either throw stuff away or recycle it (2 things I can handle), I saw that there were, like, 47 other choices besides garbage and recycling.
Each bin was labeled with words and pictures of acceptable stuff. So the garbage one looked like this:
The compost bin looked like this:
I shushed the kids while they screamed, “MOMMY! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO USE WHOLE FOODS?” And then I stuffed our garbage into one of our recycled, reusable grocery bags (“I used to be a plastic bottle! Now I make poor people feel bad about themselves!”) and I took it all home with me.
I took my garbage home with me.
I don’t know how to use the Whole Foods. The end.
This is my Feckless Friday post. Please play along.
Feckless Friday: Beer Song Edition
3September 18, 2009
by Abby
in I am feckless
You know that precious muscial called The Sound of Music? Well, it’s a real crowd pleaser (assuming I’m not in the crowd) and there’s this song in it called “Do-Re-Mi,” which my children were trying to sing a while ago. And then when they asked me how a certain part goes, I might have accidentally taught them the equally classic and crowd-pleasing song “Dos-Ray-Me.”
Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer
Ray, the guy who buys me beer
Me, the guy Ray buys beer for
Far, a long way to the bar
So, I think I’ll have a beer
La, A la-la-lots of beer
Tea, No thanks, I’ll have a beer
Or something like that. I’m not clear on the details, but it’s much more entertaining (and, frankly, it makes more sense) than that other song. Until you hear your 10 year old singing it. To be fair, I didn’t set out to teach them the song. When Maya asked about “Do-Re-Mi,” we were in the car and after singing that, I giggled. I said to Bryan, “Remember that beer song?” and then we both giggled and Lena (I think it was Lena, though it could have been Liberty. It’s hard to keep these things straight. It was a 10-year-old girl hollering from the backseat) asked, “How does the beer song go, Mummy?” And, at first, I said, “Well, Precious, beer songs are only for those 21 and older. I’ll not sully your soul by singing it. Merely hearing the song might make you want to drink a-la-la-lots of beer.”* To which Lena (or Liberty) replied, “Oh, thank you, Mummy. Thank you for always keeping me pure.”
But then I sang it anyway because it’s funny.
This is my Feckless Friday post. You know you want to play along.
*What do you mean “that doesn’t sound like something you’d say”? You don’t know me!**
**Fine, none of that ever happened. I just sang it right away. FINE!
Feckless Friday: Red Letter Edition
5September 11, 2009
by Abby
in I am feckless
Let’s play a game! We’ll call it “Feckless Friday” and it will be just like “Wordless Wednesday” only not as popular and not as precious! I’ll go first. Then you go on your blog or Facebook or Twitter or whatever and just go like this. “Feckless Friday: I spilled my pumpkin spice latte on my lap and then I punched the barista in the face because she made it too hot.” You can include a picture if you want. Or, you can point out somebody else’s fecklessness. For instance, “There’s this stupid blog I just can’t stop reading because it’s like a frickin’ car crash. ‘Sundays with Stupid Pants’ or something like that. She loves the gays, she’s an Obamatard, she says she homeschools, but there’s never any evidence of that, and she makes fun of religion. I’d link to it, but then I’d have to punch my computer in the face.” And then leave a link to your Feckless Friday entry in the comments so we can all come see, ok? And I think you’re supposed to link back to me, too, but I don’t have ads anymore so I don’t care if you do that or not. I won’t get paid or anything and you’ll just invite more people to disown me. Either way, ok? GO!
Here’s my example of fecklessness:
I’m laughing at you because you think I’m white. Love, Jesus
All good Christians know that Jesus only speaks in red letters. (I put that link in so my regular readers would understand).
See? I call myself a Christian, but I insist on doing things like this. I am inept at Christianity. I am a feckless Christian. Now you try.
