About that paint job…you know how I was born in Michigan and raised to be a UofM fan? And you know how The Ohio State University hates the Wolverines? And you know how I don’t really like to wear UofM garb this close to campus because dummies make snide comments? And you know how one time at Bryan’s old job his anti-UofM boss wrote him up for a safety violation for having a UofM pen sticking pointy side up in his pen thing? (Oh yes he did! Bryan had to petition to get it off his record and everything!) And you know how we bought a house right here in Columbus where everybody hates U o fM? Well, I subconsciously wrote Columbus a passive-aggressive note when I painted my living room and entryway:

*looks better in real life*

I think the note says, “Suck it, Buckeyes. GO BLUE!” Yeah, I pretty much painted my house maize and blue. By accident. Technically, it’s sweet maple and sweet sea or something like that, but still. I didn’t even realize it until I looked at it with Bryan and said, “I just really like how those colors look together,” and he very excitedly said, “Hell yes you do! Maize and blue, baby!” And I think he clapped.

Apparently, I’m a huge fan of college sports.

]]> http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/index.php/2010/01/feckless-friday-paint-job/feed/ 7 http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/index.php/2010/01/feckless-friday-new-years-resolutions-edition/ http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/index.php/2010/01/feckless-friday-new-years-resolutions-edition/#comments Sat, 02 Jan 2010 02:02:20 +0000 Abby http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/?p=1226 How convenient that New Year’s Day is on a Friday! Last year, my resolutions looked like this:

Way back when I worked at the Christian bookstore, I read a book called Highway to Hell or something like that and it was all about breaking down the evils in pop music so you would know what doors to the underworld were being opened in your soul every time you belted out some Whitney Houston in the car. I’m not lying. The only thing that stuck with me out of that book (I think it was out of that book, but it could have been any other book I read during that time of zealotry) was that pretty much any song that talks about dancing is actually talking about m@sturbating and/or s3xing it up.* It’s true. Look at Madonna’s “Get into the Groove” for a minute:

Only when I’m dancing can I feel this free
At night I lock the doors, where no one else can see
I’m tired of dancing here all by myself
Tonight I wanna dance with someone else

She’s so happy! And, well, sad because she can’t feel free without, well, you know. Um…and this was clearly written before she decided it was ok to unlock the doors so everyone could see. I think I just proved that book’s point. *ahem*

Anyway, the feckless part of this is that I like to use my “knowledge” to ruin Bryan’s perceptions of songs. I can’t help it because it’s funny. When we’re in the car, it’s not uncommon for me to lean over and say, “You know, Ted Nugent’s “Fred Bear” is actually about touching yourself with a toilet brush. In the woods. With an old man watching. I read it in a book, so I know it’s true.” He’s not a hunter, though, so that info actually made him like that song more. So that was nice of me.

Do you ruin things for people you love all the time? Did this post ruin your breakfast? If so, post your own Friday fecklessness anywhere you can! You are not alone!

*The Divinyl’s “I Touch Myself,” on the other hand is really about dancing. She dances when she thinks of you. Isn’t that sweet? She honestly does.

I’m really embarrassed. I watch this show called Metalocalypse. There, I said it. I don’t just stumble across it and watch it when I happen to notice that it’s on. No, I willfully set my DVR up to record it and every time I look at the list of recorded shows, I get a little happy when I see it on there. A lot happy.

I keep trying to write up a defense of why I like it, but it might be indefensible. It’s violent and filthy. But it has really good subtle humor, too, and I swear that’s why I like it.

*sigh* Now you know. I have nothing to say on my behalf. I just spent way too long watching way too many clips in order to share some with you. And I enjoyed it. And I might watch some more.

“And here’s my guitar made from the wood from Christ’s cross.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5_BXQHb4fI

“An apple! God’s alcohol!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYqArjs_L4M

“I’ve got my mother’s nose. In my pocket.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgKE404A-kc

It’s Feckless Friday. Please play along so I have something to distract me from more Metalocalypse clips. Blog it, Tweet it, Facebook it, but don’t put it on Myspace because nobody goes there anymore. Not even me. See? I do have some standards.

In case you didn’t know, my kids run a product review website called Kids Know Stuff. We get pitches for stuff and sometimes we say yes and sometimes we say no and sometimes we get a pitch to review food and, because I’m hungry when I read it, I agree. That’s what happened when we got the pitch for some meatballs. I didn’t realize that the  best thing about the product was that they would come packed in dry ice. It came early in the morning. Ten o’clock is early some days. It was still summer and we are homeschoolers. It was after Labor Day, but that is still technically summer. Anyway! The dry ice came and we played with it. And I took pictures:

Not good pictures, and you’ll notice that everybody is still in their pajamas, but still. Technically, Maya is wearing a real shirt, but she slept in it so it was pajamas. ANYWAY! I documented it. We talked about it. I hit them with a ruler every time they said, “Look how it’s melting!” instead of “Look how it’s sublimating!” I thought that was appropriate.

It was out of the ordinary for our homeschool and Liberty hit the nail on the head when she said, “It’s almost like we’re at Kristen’s house.”

She was so right. It’s just not like Pepper Paints over here. But, let’s get into the way-back machine for a minute so I can tell you about a time when it was like Pepper Paints around here. People who knew me in Chesaning before Lena and Liberty were 6 can vouch for me. We did art stuff. All the frickin’ time. Until Lena and Liberty developed their own interests. And even after that, I still made them take clay classes and other art classes. Until they cried and I decided to take a hard look at why I was placing value on those things instead of letting the kids do what they want and just valuing the process. It’s easy to value traditional art over digital art. It’s easy to value reading novels over reading graphic novels. It’s easy to value perfect spelling instead of bloggy brainstorming (Lena and Liberty both have blogs and I used to make them do spell check and grammar with it, but that’s what Kids Know Stuff is for now. Their own personal blogs need to be their own personal brain farts, so back OFF! Sheesh).  But that’s not cool and that’s not what we’re about. We’re about teaching kids how to learn instead of forcing what to learn on them. Kristen’s house is the same way, but her kids’ interests are different. This is art for Liberty:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4FZVaywOyc

And Lena:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxrDKbLJ59A

Maya is a bit more traditional artsy, and she gets out the scissors, paint, glue, fancy paper, stickers, and whatever else and does stuff with them. She also does this:

It’s called “Warren and Ruth.”  Warren and Ruth are Maya’s little friends.

This post is dumb. It started out being “I’m feckless because I suck at being like Kristen,” but then it turned into “I’m feckless because I used to try to force my digital kids to be more traditional,” and now it’s just “I’m feckless because this wasn’t really thought out all that well.” Sheesh.

Maybe you can do better. Be feckless (or point out the fecklessness of others) on your blog, on your Twitter, on your Facebook and leave a comment telling me where I can find your fecklessness so I can feel better about myself. You can link to me if you want to, but you don’t have to because I took my ads down and so I’m not a stat whore anymore. Good day.

]]> http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/index.php/2009/10/feckless-friday-not-pepper-paints-edition/feed/ 7 http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/index.php/2009/09/feckless-friday-panic-at-the-whole-foods-edition/ http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/index.php/2009/09/feckless-friday-panic-at-the-whole-foods-edition/#comments Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:27:51 +0000 Abby http://sundayswithstretchypants.com/?p=1088

There are two things that I buy at Whole Foods: Ecover dishwashing powder (because it’s the only brand that works) and Snowville Creamery 1/2 and 1/2 (because Weiland’s is always, always out of it and it’s soooo flippin’ good). But one time, I needed chia seeds and hemp powder and raw cocoa and goji berries in order to boost my post-run green smoothies, so I had to go there. If you’re not familiar, that store is huge and just way too hip for me and just too, too much. I called Kristen no less than 3 times while looking for those 3 things. But that’s not the worst part.

After that, the kids and I got some pizza from their cafeteria-type thing. Holy crap, mine had pears, bacon, and gorgonzola on it and I almost converted to making the Whole Foods pizza counter a weekly thing. We ate, gathered up all of our garbage, er, “waste” and when I looked around to where we were supposed to either throw stuff away or recycle it (2 things I can handle), I saw that there were, like, 47 other choices besides garbage and recycling.

Each bin was labeled with words and pictures of acceptable stuff. So the garbage one looked like this:

The compost bin looked like this:

I shushed the kids while they screamed, “MOMMY! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO USE WHOLE FOODS?” And then I stuffed our garbage into one of our recycled, reusable grocery bags (“I used to be a plastic bottle! Now I make poor people feel bad about themselves!”) and I took it all home with me.

I took my garbage home with me.

I don’t know how to use the Whole Foods. The end.

This is my Feckless Friday post.  Please play along.

Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer

Ray, the guy who buys me beer

Me, the guy Ray buys beer for

Far, a long way to the bar

So, I think I’ll have a beer

La, A la-la-lots of beer

Tea, No thanks, I’ll have a beer

Or something like that. I’m not clear on the details, but it’s much more entertaining (and, frankly, it makes more sense) than that other song. Until you hear your 10 year old singing it. To be fair, I didn’t set out to teach them the song. When Maya asked about “Do-Re-Mi,” we were in the car and after singing that, I giggled. I said to Bryan, “Remember that beer song?” and then we both giggled and Lena (I think it was Lena, though it could have been Liberty. It’s hard to keep these things straight. It was a 10-year-old girl hollering from the backseat) asked, “How does the beer song go, Mummy?” And, at first, I said, “Well, Precious, beer songs are only for those 21 and older. I’ll not sully  your soul by singing it. Merely hearing the song might make you want to drink a-la-la-lots of beer.”* To which Lena (or Liberty) replied, “Oh, thank you, Mummy. Thank you for always keeping me pure.”

But then I sang it anyway because it’s funny.

This is my Feckless Friday post. You know you want to play along.

*What do you mean “that doesn’t sound like something you’d say”? You don’t know me!**

**Fine, none of that ever happened. I just sang it right away. FINE!

Here’s my example of fecklessness:

I’m laughing at you because you think I’m white. Love, Jesus

All good Christians know that Jesus only speaks in red letters. (I put that link in so my regular readers would understand).

See? I call myself a Christian, but I insist on doing things like this. I am inept at Christianity. I am a feckless Christian. Now you try.