It's like Tuesdays with Morrie without all the wisdom
Archive for December, 2009
Just Pretend it’s a Real Card
4December 24, 2009
I’m taking time out from losing at euchre and poker to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and happy New Year! I suck at cards, but you guys rock at being you. Have a great year!
(P.S. Thanks for the great pic, Kristen!)
George Costanza Gave me a Stress Zit
10December 15, 2009
by Abby
in I have some daughters
I already blogged this at Ohio Moms Blog, but I think that’s not actually going to launch for real until after the first of the year or something, so then it won’t really make sense. Also, I used my manners and didn’t swear and I didn’t even talk about my zit. I used the code word “anxiety” for it.
Anyway, remember this?
At the beginning of the Christmas season, I’m very excited. We take a look at the Christmas savings account and budget out everybody on our list and we’re very committed to staying within the budget, which means if we want our kids to have a good time on Christmas morning after hearing us say no to them all year long, and if we want to donate anything like food, toys, or whatever to wherever, then we have to cut things out of the budget. No problem! Christmas is for the kids, right? Cut out buying for adults, and cut out sending Christmas cards to every person I’ve ever met in my whole life. Take another look at the budget and it looks gooooood! The kids are going to have fun! The kids are going to be able to pick out some things to donate! Our parents will get a picture of the kids, a kid-made craft and a nice note saying something to the effect of, “We gave your present to somebody else. Love you!” instead of a Snuggie. We feel good about this.
And then I start wrapping. And then I hear George Costanza in my head saying, “I gave him Yankee tickets, he gave me a piece of paper that says, ‘I’ve given your gift to someone else’!” And then I feel stressed. Not enough to return some of the kids’ presents in order to buy something for the adults because, dammit, Christmas is for the kids! Just enough to harass the kids into making more crafts. And to grow a nice zit. That’s all. (FYI, this close to Christmas, I can only say “Christmas is for the kids!” through clenched teeth with a crazy look in my eye. Sometimes I repeat it over and over while the children shush me and pat my head.)
Do you have Christmas anxiety that stems from a fictional character? Do you think maybe I watch to much tv? Do you go into debt to buy something nice for your mother and she still says, “Is that how you’re wearing your hair these days?” If so, tell your story so I have something to read while I mindlessly play with my huge zit.
The Spammers Don’t Trust my Thankfulness
6December 1, 2009
If you have a blog, you know that spammers will try to trick you into visiting their site by leaving fake messages. Usually, the messages are uplifting with lots of exclamation marks and praise. My favorite so far: “You;re blog is beast!!!!!!!!” While I know the kids these days sometimes use the word “beast” that way, I also know that spammers are normally bad at spelling and punctuation and English, so I’m pretty sure it was supposed to say, “Your blog is the best!!!!!!!” These messages are intended to warm your heart and make you say to yourself, “That’s so sweet and I don’t even know this person in real life. Wait, there’s a link, I’m going to visit their blog and leave a nice comment about them.” And then you’ve lost. Your ego made you lose. Loser.
Lately, though, I’ve notice a lot more disagreeable comments from them. I think the spammers are looking to create controversy so you’ll want to track them down and google stalk them until you accidentally buy one of their products. So clever because we humans love to have internet controversies.
Still, though, the spammers just aren’t good at what they do. Just as an example, I have 2 spam comments on my Thankful post that really make me wonder:
Baby Grocery Cart Cover says, “Well, I don’t know yet. Not sure. But this is convincing…”
Really, Baby Grocery Cart Cover? Am I supposed to be sucked into an argument about this? What are you not sure about? The fact that I have children? The fact that it was noon and they were in their jammies? Do you doubt my thankfulness? Psh.
And Jungle Ceiling Fan Pull says, “I disagree. I wonder how you draw your conclusin?”
Oh, Jungle Ceiling Fan Pull, what were you thinking? This is a perfect comment for so many of my posts that state a “conclusin” without having any facts. My “conclusin” that I should get in the shower because the people at the party would be thankful for that? I draw that “conclusin” by knowing that I’m a greasy, smelly skank if I don’t shower. How do you draw your “conclusin” that people want a jungle ceiling fan pull? Nobody wants one, even if you use clever spam. Not clever enough!
Do you have imaginary conversations with spambots? Do you have real conversations with people you know in real life? Do you wonder why I would have imaginary conversations with spambots? Leave a comment and let me know where you get your lithium.
