Don’t ever invoke the name of Neil Gaiman when making wishes. Especially in October.

Minutes after I tweeted this:

Is it wrong to wish for H1N1 so I have time to watch @neilhimself read The Graveyard Book in it its entirety? http://www.mousecircus.com/videotour.aspx

I felt a little tickle in my throat. I immediately began mainlining Echinacea and snorting Vitamin C, which is what I usually do when I feel even the slightest hint of a virus coming on. I also began to regret my tweet. Why didn’t I just say, “Huh, it’s October and I homeschool. What better way to enjoy afternoon story time than with a creepy book read to us by Neil frickin’ Gaiman?” Why didn’t I say that? Why did I see that link and immediately wish I had several blocks of uninterrupted time to enjoy it all by myself? It is, after all, a children’s book. Or young adult or whatever. At any rate, my children have all heard the audio version already. Why didn’t I choose my tweet more carefully?

I started my Echinacea/Vitamin C regimen Saturday night, but my cough grew steadily worse. This morning, I have a cough and a fever, and an unnatural urge to find a spider and get it to tell me that I’m not sick because now I really believe about Spider from Anansi Boys. But probably Spider would complicate things further. Wouldn’t he, Neil Gaiman? You bet your black leather jacket he would.

I’m still on the herbs, but I’m no hippie. I’m also taking ibuprofen because I don’t like to suffer. I don’t like fever and lethargy and pain. I don’t like to be hungry, thirsty, or sad. So taking medicine is just like eating when I’m hungry, drinking when I’m thirsty, getting drunk when I’m sad. Kidding! When I’m sad, I watch Metalocalypse.

Anyway, I’ve learned my lesson and we need no longer muck about like this, Neil Gaiman. (See how I used a British phrase there? It shows I’m sincere. I could just as easily have said, “mess around” or my favorite, “dick around,” but I didn’t.)

P.S. Is it wrong to wish for $1,000,000 so I have time to watch @neilhimself read The Graveyard Book in its entirety? http://www.mousecircus.com/videotour.aspx

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