I Like Faith

And I like tattoos. My friend Kristen just got her first-ever tattoo. If you follow me on Twitter, you know she regrets not getting inked while she was in prison, but now she has no regrets. Her tattoo is beautiful. And I don’t use that word lightly. I only use it for things that are truly beautiful, like donuts delivered right to your door. Oh, and babies. Some babies are beautiful. All of mine were. Some of yours probably are, too. Anyway, Kristen’s tattoo is beautiful. And now I want a new one.

I have a dumb cherub on my shoulder. It needs to die. When I was at Thrill Vulture with Kristen, I searched and searched for something  that I liked enough to cover up that cherub. I asked myself, “What do you like? Why don’t you know what you like?” I finally realized that I like faith and I like humor. While faith lends itself naturally to the tattoo art, humor really doesn’t, which is a bummer.

So me and Jesus? We tight. But, I don’t know if you can tell by reading my blog, I’m not really comfortable with Christianity as a whole. I have some issues. Issues with trust and with people and with arbitrariness and with, oh, lots of stuff. In spite of my many, many issues, I think I’m going to go with the classic nice-looking cross with one of my favorite verses on it. Here are my choices:

John 8:7  Jesus says, “What, like you’ve never done a shit thing? Line up, we’re gonna stone you too. That’s what I thought. Don’t be a dick.“

Matthew 7:1 Jesus says, “Dude, you’re an ass, too. I can say that about people because I’m the Son of God, but you can’t say that cuz you suck. Don’t be a dick.“

Matthew 5:3-12 “It’s so much more awesome to not be a dick than it is to be a dick.“

Romans 14:22 “Believe stuff, but don’t be a dick about it.”

I’m not sure what translation that is. I think maybe it’s the “Jesus, what’s your favorite curse word?” edition by James Lipton from “Inside the Actor’s Studio.”  Jesus’ favorite curse word is absolutely “dick.” Or maybe “Jesus H. Christ.” Either way.

So now I’m saving my pennies and looking at tats. I suppose I could always go with Snowman Jesus, but I don’t want to offend anyone. People are touchy about that kind of thing.