Old Man Cheezer and Maya’s First Blog Post

We hired somebody to do the tile in the basement bathroom and Liberty has nick-named him “Old Man Cheezer.” I don’t know why. He is an old man, but he doesn’t smell like cheese and I’ve not seen him snacking on cheese.

Soon, when Old Man Cheezer’s work is done, our plumber (“Young Man Crackerz, with a ‘z’” says Lena) will be able to get in there and  get that place toileted up. Then the big children won’t have to carry their tired tushies all the way upstairs and to the other side of the house in the wee hours of the morning when the tinkle fairy comes. They’re very sad and sleepy when that happens. Every morning I hear them dragging themselves up the stairs and through the house whimpering, “When is our bathroom gonna be dooooonnnnnne?” The poor babies. The worst part is, when Maya (whose bedroom is right next to the bathroom on the main level) hears the walking dead, she races to the bathroom and locks herself in there shouting, “I have to go peeeeeee! Really baaaaaad!” And then I imagine she silently cackles while Lena and/or Liberty stand outside the door yelling, “Hurry UP!” I told them the toilet would be in there this week. I lied. Old Man Cheezer is going out of town today and he won’t be back to finish his job until Monday. Then we’ll schedule Young Man Crackerz.

And now, Maya would like to tell you about this:

The water is super, super,  super, super, super deep and nobody can touch. Moms and dads can’t touch. Big girls can’t touch. Teenagers can’t touch. Little girls can’t touch. Toddlers can’t touch. Babies can’t touch. There should be a baby diving board in the baby pool. <At this point, she switches to a commercial announcer voice> So come here and dive! It’s where the water slide is! And if you lay down on your back, you go super fast! And if you sit up, you go slow. So come here and dive off the little board and dive off the platform and dive off the medium board! So I want you to come here and diiiiiiive! It’s fun! And how you dive is you bend down and put your hands over your head together and make sure your hands go in first and then straighten your legs. Bye bye!

And she also wants to tell you about the water slide.

Hello, my name is Maya and I’m going to tell you about the water slide! Yay! The water slide is fun, you should come at the swimming pool and this is the same place where I talked about the diving board, so come here and go swimming! And you can do a bunch of stuff, but you can only go down on your butt on the water slide, so you have to come here and swim because <singing> it’s summer time, it’s summer time, and I love summer time! Now you sing it! The slide is swirly because it doesn’t go straight down because when you start going you go left, right, left, right, left, right, and at the end you’re in water. Right now come to the swimming pool! <singing> Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom. Bye bye!