Sometimes I Get Tired
And so I have to copy other people’s blog posts. I GoogleShared this MOMocrats post about the assassination of Dr. George Tiller, but some people subscribe to this blog and read it in a feed reader so they might not see what I share in my little sidebar thing. So go read the MOMocrats post and click on their links and shake your head and cry in frustration with me. It’ll be fun. Sort of.
I wish I had something pithy to say, but I’m just tired. I don’t understand hate in the name of Jesus, and I certainly don’t understand killing in His name. And I try not to let these things distance me further from my faith, but it’s so hard to tie myself to this kind of insanity. It’s difficult to feel that I have to qualify my faith with the old “I’m not that kind of Christian.” And to most Christians, I’m not Christian enough. And if I have to be anti-gay, anti-women’s rights, and pro-burning in hell, I don’t want to be Christian enough. Seriously. I’ll take it as a compliment that I’m not Enough. I think Jesus and I are a-ok even though I say “fuck” quite a lot. And I might even say, “Jesus H. Christ, let the gays get married cuz gay sex is hawt!” quite a lot. And I might even say, “When you try to get involved in reproductive rights, you make me want to have a fucking abortion just for spite,” even more. I don’t struggle with whether or not God gets pissed about that. I don’t struggle with feeling rejected by Him (anymore). I don’t struggle with feeling like I’m rejecting Him. And I don’t struggle with faith-based rejection on the part of His people (not really). I know where they’re coming from, but I think faith is like any relationship with the ups and downs and the love that feels a lot like hate and the hate that feels a lot like love. And then there’s bitterness and resentment and, after a time, forgiveness and healing. I mean, really, any long-term relationship goes through those stages, but it doesn’t mean the relationship ends. It might look like it’s ended to others, but they don’t know. They don’t know and then they go and shoot people.
I wish I weren’t too tired to clean this post up for you, but it’s all rainy and we were supposed to go creeking today and now we can’t and the news is depressing and I don’t have any chocolate in the house and I probably need more coffee and another green smoothie. I ran, but it sucked and there was a dead mouse on the trail and that was gross. Why would God let me almost step on a dead mouse? Probably because He hates me right now, but we’ll work it out. Anyway, don’t shoot people because it makes my blog suck.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:27 pm
It’s time for a trip to the store for some damn chocolate & perhaps just a bit more peace in this world…well, ok, a whole lot of it
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June 1st, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I hope you’re creeking now (the sun is out). I’m tired of devastating news — I’m ready for good news where people love each other and are kind to each other.
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June 1st, 2009 at 1:36 pm
But gosh, aren’t you looking forward to the news of the octo-mom reality show? Because if anything causes a dip in my faith it is the exploitation of our children. I have King Arthur no-bakes here along with cake pops dipped in chocolate if you are up for a road trip!
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June 1st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I think it is a question of faith or church. Where was Jesus a Pastor? How big was his cathedral (or church, whatever you want to call the building). Did he beg for donations? Or did he just preach to whomever wanted to listen? He put the message out there…didn’t need to be the leader of a big ole church
And, if anyone rolls their eyes or if you have to explain “I’m not that kind of Christian… etc” then 1–that person is sure succumbing to the same bullshit they are trying to foist on you. Prejudiced much? 2–And you can’t point to what this guy did or other Christians doing wrong… so, is this guy the definition of Christian?
So… believe what you choose and do not feel that you need to explain yourself. You live in the spirit of Jesus more than many I know; inclusivity (is that a word), fairness, etc. Don’t religions or religious (or anti-religious) zealots define your belief for you. You are strong enough I am sure to do this, but everyone needs some support once in awhile. We all get tired sometimes.
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June 1st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
What the hell is creeking? And I agree with Tony!
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June 3rd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Hi, I’ve never left you a comment before. I found your blog while googling “Chesaning” and found you, as in “You’ve never heard of Chesaning?”. As a matter of fact I had not heard of Chesaning until my boyfriend, born and raised in the city of Detroit bought what he charmingly refers to a “farm” out there. It’s not a farm really, just a house in the county, but why split hairs? Possibly someday I will live in Chesaning, but I am scared. Where will I work? Where does one get Indian food?
Anyway, I enjoy your blog and your thoughtful words on Dr. Tiller very much. Thank you for writing it.
Best,
Courtney
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June 3rd, 2009 at 3:52 pm
@Courtney I hope you start a blog when you and your boyfriend set out on your Chesaning adventure because it would be really funny. I’m still giggling at “Where does one get Indian food?” hahahaha
There isn’t even a Chinese restaurant in Chesaning, but Saginaw is only 45 minutes away. They might even have Indian food there by now.
Thanks for the comment!
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June 3rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@ Abby and Courtney
I found that there is an Indian Restaurant in Saginaw.
Kabob N Curry House. There were even 2 reviews
One fellow had been on the Atkins diet and volume of cheese had caused some…issues. So, he ‘hopped off’ the Atkins, went to Kabob N Curry and, after their spicy food, had a ‘deluge of relief’. (ALL HIS WORDS)
Another reviewer did say she is happy with the food, that they make great Samosas, etc…
The fellow was a 2008 review, the woman a 2007.
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June 3rd, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Abby, you know, the blog idea isn’t half bad. You’ve given me something to think about.
Tony, thanks for the heads up on the Kabob ‘n Curry House. It sounds like a tricky equation, balancing the 45 minute drive home from the curry filled feast and the probable, subsequent “deluge of relief” that the reviewer raved about. I am concerned, but not deterred. I do like my kabobs and curry.
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June 4th, 2009 at 8:31 am
I found it funny that the ‘deluge’ was a positive..
That was 2008… there could be more or they may have gone out of business.
Its not Indian, but there are a couple of Chinese places in Owosso (just south of Chesaning). One was a buffet I believe and the other was a sit down (may have also had buffet, I don’t remember. The one time I was there, my niece wanted to eat with “karate chops”)
I just had some good Indian food last week. Each Spring the Business School’s Indian Student organization has a short festival.. singing, dancing in traditional Indian garb (silky, bright). One of friends last year sang and danced and had lunch with me. Then, she graduated and is a prof in India now. Anyway, I heard the show from my office and went down for some lunch. Being here (columbus, Ohio state) I have learned not to wonder too much about what I am eating… if it tastes good, that’s enough for me.
One of my office mates was having some dumplings for lunch. I asked him what was in them… “meat, um, I don’t know. It smells funny but tastes good”
I have to agree I could make that comment about some of the foods I have tried in the last 3 years.
Anyway, in Chesaning you can see how those of us who grew up there may have faced a limited culinary experience. Not that Broasted Malt Shop Chicken and Packy’s Pizza slices (now out of business) aren’t fine, just limited.
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June 4th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
@ Abby… just re-read this one. And the mouse… maybe God didn’t let you almost step on a dead mouse, maybe he prevented you from stepping on a dead mouse… you were about to step on it and somehow were warned/became aware.
Just saying.
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