It's like Tuesdays with Morrie without all the wisdom
Maya Has Fun
This picture is a pretty good indicator of how Maya is all the time. Her mouth never closes and she’s always moving or posing. If she were my firstborn, I would have ruined that by now. She’s one of those self-motivated learners that I used to dream about before I had actual kids and only ever had dream kids. If Maya were my firstborn I would have taken her conventional, easily measurable learning style and I would have made it my thing and she would probably be having migraines at the sight of pencils by now. It happens. But it’s easy to just let the third child be. The first child (or set of children, as the case may be) does all the hard work, teaching us what’s really important and how everything all comes out in the wash. Nice of them. Maya can thank Lena and Liberty. They really had to work hard to show me everything will always be ok.
Lena and Liberty are unconventional learners and I used to panic about silly things at least quarterly until about 2 years ago. When it’s not easy for me (and The Entire World) to point to progress and measure “success” with grades and honor rolls, it’s hard to relax. At first. We have all of this hope (and fear) and all of this expectation (and fear). Academics can be measured, so it’s easy to feel like they’re the most important thing. But by the time the 3rd kid is here, we understand that these things all come out in the wash for the unschooly as well as for the schooly. It’s the kid’s life that’s the important thing. And we understand that she doesn’t need us to drive her and guide her as if her future depends on it because her future doesn’t actually depend on it. She has her own drive and we’re just there to supply the stuff for her that goes along with her particular brand of drive. Her future really only depends on knowing who she is and what she wants and knowing how to get it. Really. Besides, even the super-smartest child eventually turns into an average kid when all the other kids’ learning starts coming out in the wash so what’s the point of getting their identity all wrapped up in being the smartest when most everybody catches up eventually? Then they have to be all anorexic or drunk or something in order to stand out and that’s no fun for anybody. Nobody wants a drunk 7 year old on their hands. Then you’re in a pickle. Especially if the 7 year old was an early reader or math genius, then they really know about proof and alcohol content and stuff. Then where does all that learning get them? In the gutter! And then on a reality show with Dr. Drew or something. So sad.
So many schooled kids his age have a tough time with math and writing with the added bonus of having a tough time in front of everybody at school. And when/if they start college, our kids will end up in the same English 101 and math 082 class as all of the schooled kids who went all the way through trig, but got hung up on the placement exam. For real.
Thanks Abby! I needed to hear this stuff. again. Even though I don’t have 3 children (and don’t plan to), what you are saying is oh so true.
Though my unschooled oldest yesterday indicated to me that it’s my fault that he has a tough time with math & writing b/c I “let him play childishly and have too much fun” as a younger kid…gawd I’ve really f-d him up. And not for the reasons he gave! wah
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