I’m a comma with nothing to blog about, but Jill Twittered that she’s a colon and I had to see what kind of punctuation I am. I’ve always wondered. And now I know.

Let’s see…happy Martin Luther King day, my kids are sick, the CPSCIA is dumb, and Obama is almost president.

I always ruin MLK day for my kids by making them watch the I Have a Dream speech and making them read things on Anti-Racist Parent and Racialicious until they rend their garments in despair over their white privilege. It’s a tradition.

Everybody here is coughing their heads off. Me? I’m taking Eleventy billion milligrams of vitamin C and eating garlic by the bulb. I smell bad. I know this because I smell well. Get it? Grammar. Good times.

Speaking of words, have you seen this bull?  The Consumer Product Safety Improvement for Dumbasses Act is trying to get rid of everything, everything! for children under 12 that might have lead in it. Hello Small Business Owner, you say you don’t have the money to test your handmade, naturally lead-free products so that we know for sure, for sure that they’re lead free? Too bad for you. Close your store you filthy child poisoner. And libraries? You’re the poisony-est and you shan’t let the children touch the filth.

And tomorrow we get a fresh and fancy new president. If you’re Facebook friends with my sister, go support her support of Barack Obama because some douche from her church hassled her about it and I’ve advised her not to hassle back because, well, there are a lot of douches in her church. Personally, I believe Christian douches are the worst of all kinds of douches. And I’m including Muslim douches and vinegar douches in that. Just so you know.

Oh, hey, look, I’m a comma:

You Are a Comma


You are open minded and extremely optimistic.

You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything.

You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests.

You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.

Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.

(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)

You excel in: Inspiring people

You get along best with: The Question Mark
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