The trouble with pouring your very first cup of coffee of the day is, you probably really need that coffee in order to function properly, which implies that you’re probably not functioning properly at the time of the coffee pouring. And sometimes, that first cup might come after you’ve run a bit and so, while your brain might need a lot of extra oxygen to compensate for not yet having coffee, the oxygen might instead still be going to your muscles to try to keep them from rebelling and turning into jelly. So, this decreased brain oxygen, combined with the not-yet-having-coffee issue can be a problem when you try to add cinnamon to your oh-so-necessary first cup of coffee.

You might know that the cinnamon is in a rectangular container as opposed to the cylindrical containers housing most of the other spices, so you might think that if you grab any old rectangular container out of the spice cupboard, you’re safe. This would be a mistake. You might not remember that you also have a rectangular container of sesame seeds in your spice cupboard. And when you grab that container, you might say, “Huh, I wonder why the cinnamon is making a sound when I shake it. Weird.” At that point, you would think it would register that you might have grabbed the wrong container, but no. It won’t. You might even glance at the writing on the box, see an “S” and say to yourself, “Yes, that’s right. ‘S’ is for cinnamon,” not realizing that the only time you’ve ever seen cinnamon start with “S” is maybe when it was up in lights at a strip club. It won’t be until you actually pour the sesame seeds into your coffee that you will understand that you’re an idiot who needs to stay in bed until such time as the coffee is consumed.

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