Well, it sounded big.
There was an animal in our wall for a couple of nights in a row. I swore it was a raccoon or something worse, like an escaped gorilla from the zoo. Bryan figured it was a squirrel or a mouse, but it sounded really big and slow to me. I felt I had more experience in these matters, having lived through the great red squirrel invasion of ‘82 when our old farm house became home to several families of little guys. This animal didn’t scurry when we pounded on the wall. I figured that was because whatever kind of animal it was knew that it was big and bad and rabid, and when you’re big, bad, and rabid, you don’t have to lower yourself to scurrying when some random human pounds on your new home. So I declared it an emergency and made Bryan call the rental company yesterday afternoon. Oh, our rental company apparently does not have an emergency number for weekends and holidays. I was upset about that yesterday. Until we found the empty hamster cage in Lena’s room. Then I was just grateful that we didn’t call Varmint-Gard and pay them to come rescue our frickin’ hamster out of our own wall.
After discovering that our neglected beloved Choji was missing, Bryan thought it would be a good idea to announce it very crassly in front of all 3 very sensitive girls. Right before bedtime. The girls then proceeded to throw themselves on the floor and wail, “Chooojiiiii! NOOOOOO!” and “Chooooojiiii! I LOOOOVVVVE YOOOUUU!” and “Oh, God, WHY? Why did you take Choji? You should’ve taken me instead!” and “Why didn’t we play with you more? WHY?” Why he couldn’t have waited 2 minutes until every kid was in bed, is beyond me. It’s not even like he told them in a very serious, funeral director way. No, he was laughing hysterically while he announced to his children that their very first pet was in the wall. Lucky for us, Choji chose a wall that had a removable panel so we could get to him easily, which we did. And then the children took off their sackcloth and ashes and ceased beating their chests in anguish and remorse. And then Bryan and I got down on our hands and knees and thanked the good Lord that our rental company indeed does not have an emergency number. We would have died from embarrassment.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:27 am
I laughed really hard when Bryan called Joe to tell him it was chokie! Good thing you didn’t have to cut a hole or 3 in the wall to get it out.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I made Brett read this and he said, “They have a funny life.” I said, “Their life isn’t any funnier than anyone else’s but ABBY is funnier than anyone else!” Also? This is one of the many reasons we don’t own any rodents. At least not on purpose anyway.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
SNORT!
We still haven’t found our snake. (ssssh)
August 25th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
congratulate yourself because hamster in the wall is way better than the time my 8-year-old self discovered smoking gerbils stumbling out of the furnace and dying in a leg-kicking cartoonish kind of way.
TRAUMA!
August 25th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
That is hilarious! (thanks for the laugh and the reminder why we don’t have rodents as pets)
August 25th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Oh my Louie!!! That was a great laugh even better than the bat story. Keegan wants to know how Choji got in the wall in the first place?
August 27th, 2008 at 8:58 am
@Crazy Lady He escaped from his cage in the middle of the night, but we don’t know how he got inside the wall. Also, his cage is on the 2nd floor and he ended up on the 1st floor. Weird.
@Jen That is a horrible, hilarious story. I can’t stop laughing at you and your child’s trauma. I’m a terrible person.
August 27th, 2008 at 9:14 am
not my child’s trauma, MY TRAUMA. i was 8 and the gerbils were named romeo and juliet. “starcrossed lovers destined to die together,” my mom said as she swept them into the dustpan.
and you know because all EIGHT year olds get shakespeare references,
THAT made it all better.