Comments on: We’re Supposed to do Things Right?

By: Abby

Abby — Sun, 18 May 2008 13:19:23 +0000

I like that all of you are the same kind of loony bitches, too.

Kendra, I do feel downright girlish. Wheee!

By: Alissa

Alissa — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:58:04 +0000

P.P.S. word on the number 3 paragraph and the competition thang. Why do we feel we need to be responsible for other people’s feelings? Like we don’t have enough of our own to carry around. I’ve been working on this one for a long time.

By: Alissa

Alissa — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:55:28 +0000

Oh, hey. Look! You tagged me. That’s good. I need to think about the good stuff I do.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. vulva

By: Kendra

Kendra — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:34:20 +0000

I don’t think you are a bitch! Crazy as a loon, sure… well, and kind of a bitch too… but in a GOOD way.

And since I know your future happiness depends on validation- I calmly explained to the boys that they like things LOUD and FAST and that’s GREAT… and L&L like things not-quite-so LOUD and not-quite-so FAST and that’s GREAT too… but not at the same time. Of course, they didn’t use names, because at this age apparently few kids actually have names… most are identified by their family situation and type of toys. You are “Those 4 girls, with the pokemon, you ‘member?” Yup, yer a ‘girl’ Abby. Do you feel girlish? I told you they asked about you guys on St Patrick’s Day, right? One little impromtu bash a year or so ago and you will forever be connected with that holiday.

I know, I know, my validation can suck a nut… But I wanted you to know I love ya anyway. :*

By: Steph

Steph — Sat, 17 May 2008 11:45:33 +0000

I have not known you long, but I have to say I see you as a Mom who is great at supporting her kids emotionally. And the only kind of bitch you seem to be is the kind I admire, the kind every kid needs in his or her corner.

What you and Dawn say about other parents making all the difference is spot on. Since pregnancy, I have been very lucky to be surrounded by other parents who were open enough to admit it ain’t always easy and that they are not perfect, though they sometimes look it from where I’m sitting. I don’t know how anyone could parent well, and trust herself to parent well, in a bubble. I would question my every move (even more than I already do) if it weren’t for the comments, advice and examples set by other parents I admire.

By: kristen

kristen — Sat, 17 May 2008 04:50:33 +0000

You are really good at #3-1 and 2 also but 3-wow! I should die so my kids would be in better hands!!

By: Eos

Eos — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:25:22 +0000

So true, so true!

I’ve been using the “I’m not responsible for other people’s actions and reactions” for a while but maybe I should extend that to my kid too…that way I won’t cringe either when she displays the courage I encouraged!LOL

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 16 May 2008 15:13:51 +0000

Abby, I can so relate! My kids have been the best teachers for us though I am more willing to learn than hubby. My kids are not people pleasers and yes that even extends to me! One of my older boys did not want to work a job with my BIL. This caused my DH a whole lot of discomfort and he tried hard to get son to do it. Son finally said “You just want me to do it because it’s your brother” (said in a tone which implied and you are going to have to feel if I don’t, and he didn’t)

Sometimes I have to just stand in awe and take it in. Like WOW, even if they are doing it to me. I never had that power. (Now I do sometimes, way more than ever but I think turning 50 is magic and I am older than 50, LOL) I think it’s hard to learning where I end and they begin but I am getting better at that too. When I think about it I don’t have to feel whatever emotion that I usually do when my kids do not respond as codependents to others. Like if they don’t send a thank you note and I know it. Mine are all old enough to carry that on their own shoulders and I am learning to step aside and not let people hold me accountable for my adult children’s shortcomings or what people think are their shortcomings. WHEW!

By: Abby

Abby — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:55:31 +0000

That’s sweet that Noah reminds you. I hope he never outgrows it.

Yeah, Maya can’t be bullied. It would be easy to do that to Lena and Liberty, which is probably why I freak out about it so much with them. But Maya? If I hinted at the fact that Maddie might miss her or be sad that she’s not coming, she would be like, “And why is that my problem?” I’m glad on the one hand, but my heart races when she does that. See, it’s ok if I talk them into standing up for themselves, but it’s not ok if they stand up for themselves on their own. I’m an idiot. Thank you for understanding.

By: dawn

dawn — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:45:58 +0000

There’s this song that’s on some kid song CD that goes, “Four hugs a day! That’s the minimum! Four hugs a day! NOT the maximum!” And it so happens to be on whenever there’s a day where I haven’t hugged Noah four times. (The little one is easy to hug since she’s usually sitting on my leg.) And he always points this out. Lordy lordy.

So I guess with the honoring feelings and letting them say no you’re probably not going to bully Maya into coming over so Madison doesn’t whine, eh? Rats. (I kid! I kid! Madison is half-expecting that Maya won’t come over! She knows how she is! She knows how her own self is! I pointed out that it’d be hypocritical to hold Maya to a higher standard than she holds herself!)