Take Back the Morning!
I don’t know. Maybe that’s what I get for running on my own. Maybe my stretchy pants were too tight (undoubtedly too tight; it’s been a long winter). Maybe I asked for it. All I know is I was running on the trail, enjoying an episode of Radio Lab when I heard the gentle rhythmic clink, clink, clink of dog tags coming up behind me on my right. Many runners who run with dogs will pass my slow ass on the right so they can keep their dog’s feet on the cushy grass instead of the paved trail. That is what I thought was happening, so I didn’t bother to look behind me. And then I felt a not-so-gentle pressure in my bottom area. While experiencing a mini heart attack, I looked back to see a leashless dog trying to get to know me in a very direct way. As his owner passed me on the left, she gave me a nice little, “Oh, he’s friendly.” Um, no shit? I can tell by the way he has his nose buried in my bum. That does not excuse him. I very rarely like to be surprised in that area. Very rarely. And I can’t think of a single scenario where I would like to be surprised in that area while running. He’s friendly? Well, that’s good to know. Then put your stupid friendly dog on a leash so that a not-so-friendly runner doesn’t have to kick him or, at the very least, blog about him. He might have caught me off guard this morning. All I could do was mutter a little under my breath, but I won’t be so vulnerable next time. I’m taking back the morning. It’s my body and I will run where I want without worrying about being victimized by random dogs. I don’t know what I’ll do next time because I’m too much of a pansy to actually abuse the abuser, but I might cuss at him or something. I swear to God I’ll cuss.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
The deep throated yell usually works and gives the stupid owner the idea that maybe you don’t want her friendly dog near your “bum” (you are so Canadian!).
March 25th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
You cuss-you do that for all of us who won’t! People who love their dogs, think everyone loves their dog. I bet they wouldn’t love their dog sniffin’ there bums—or would they? So maybe you should yell Bum Sniffer Liker at them as you flick them off.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:24 am
LOL! He was just trying to see if you were friendly? Cussing will only sound like the grown-ups on Charlie Brown to a dog. I should know. I have three that I cuss at regularly and there they sit, just blinking wide eyed and all blank looking. You are going to have to emit some seriously aggressive pheromones or something. Maybe you should just fart on him. That would serve him right. That would serve anyone right. Use the weapons God gave you girl!
March 26th, 2008 at 8:21 am
LMAO!
He would like the fart. Don’t do that. It just encourages them.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I know your kind. You wanted it. With your seductive run and slightly tight running pants. You were begging for it. Did you say NO? I didn’t think so. Your head is saying “No” but your body is screaming “Yes”. It’s your own fault. You can’t expect a male with that many hormones to pass up such temptation. I see your type everyday out on the trail. You’re a big tease.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:19 am
You’re right, Tracy, I was shaking it. Involuntarily, but it was still shaking. I’m a whore.
Thanks for all the great advice, ladies. I think I’ll combine all of tips by yelling something juvenile in a throaty voice, flashing a rude gesture and throwing in a little bit of gas for good measure. If Alissa’s right and the dog likes the gas, I’ll leave that out. Well, I’ll *try* to leave that out.
March 30th, 2008 at 1:12 am
EWWW! That’s why I don’t run.
well. that’s not why. but it could be.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
That is awful. I purposefully have my route mapped out in such a way to avoid as many dogs as possible. Why is that dog not on a leash!?!??!?