Let’s Stay Together
Bryan screwed the front license plate on our cars. Did you hear me? Do you know what that means? He paid $2.50 for the proper screws and he screwed our Ohio license plates onto the front of my mini van and his falling-apart-type beater thing. We’ve been living in Ohio for 3 years now. We came from Michigan, land of the single, back-end only license plate. Apparently, there is no point in having one on the front and one on the back when there isn’t any money in the state budget for highway patrol.
So we’ve been driving around with our front license plate tucked on our dashboard for 3 years. Last year, Bryan was issued a $40 ticket for this very infraction, yet he still couldn’t bring himself to permanently attach the license plates. This type of to-do list inaction is so against his character as a man that even he, King Literal, Head of the Knights of the Anti-Allegorical Order, could see the symbolism. As Bo Schembechler, rest His soul (yes, that’s a capital “H”) would say, he’s a Michigan Man. He loves that when he looks at his veins, they’re running blue. And he tries to never actually bleed because, well, the blood is scarlet. Nothing makes him more annoyed than Buckeye fever. That’s hard when you live in Columbus. Attaching the license plates? That’s some permanent stuff.
This move was supposed to be temporary. It was a way to get out of the shit-hole AT&T customer service job that he had been in for 6 years. A voluntary transfer to a better department in a city that we were bred to hate. My dad said, “Columbus? I raised you better than that! Divorce him!” Not really, but close. Indeed, I never would’ve agreed to a permanent move. We lived in our hometown of Chesaning, near both of our families in a house that we transformed from a run-down hovel into a gorgeous historic home fit for Chesaning’s now-defunct Parade of Homes. Move? MOVE? “I never would’ve married somebody who was going to move me away from my family,” said I, Queen Co-Dependent, Head Lady in Charge of Seeking Approval from Extended Family At All Costs. Ouch.
Then we moved. I was ready to look at this as temporary to get him out of that job, and just do what I could to get by for a couple of years and then move back home. But Columbus, she’s a seductress. She found many, many ways to my heart. Usually food is the only way to my heart, and she definitely has that covered, but let’s just take homeschooling as another for instance.
Homeschooling is a huge part of our lives and in Chesaning, we were a very lonely minority. I had no idea how lonely until we moved here. Homeschooling Community, you had me at hello. The Homeschool Gym, Homeschool classes that are offered at art galleries, science museums, recreation centers, the zoo, the metro parks, and anywhere you want them. Seriously, you just call places and say, “we want a homeschool class/tour,” and they fall all over themselves to make it happen. The roller skating rink? Some homeschooler called up and said, “We be homeschoolers and we desire to trade cash for services. But the cash shall be of an amount that is less than what they who are not homeschoolers pay.” And the roller rink (and the ice skating rink, btw) said, “Let it be written. Let it be so.” Support for homeschooling instead of blank stares and defensiveness? I. Had. No. Idea.
Oh, and there are fun people here, too. We like you guys.
**Oh my, you should feel how my blood pressure went up and my pulse quickened and my brain screamed, “Don’t talk about how much you love your Ohio friends! The people in Michigan are going to think you don’t like them anymore! What if they call you and yell at you for making new friends? Omigod, you are going to be abandoned!”**
That reminds me, one more thing we love about Columbus is the many options for psychotherapy.
It’s ok. It’s really ok. It’s hard to come out, but we’re doing it…
We love Columbus: The people, the stuff to do, the stuff to eat, the therapists. Not the buckeyes. We’ll never love the buckeyes. But we have 2 license plates on our vehicles now and, dammit, it feels good.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Sing it, sister! Who knew our temporary relocation 3 years ago would be such an easy (and addictive) pill to swallow. The charms of San Francisco had nothing on Cowtown. We couldn’t wait to get back…
March 12th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
This: “King Literal, Head of the Knights of the Anti-Allegorical Order” and this: “Queen Co-Dependent, Head Lady in Charge of Seeking Approval from Extended Family At All Costs” will probably make me smile all day long…too funny!!!
Where I live (land of smog and drive-bys…umm..southern CA) homeschoolers have to try reallly hard to create their own groups/sense of community because Cali is not a very homeschooling friendly state. I only did it for 3rd grade and always had this horrible vague sick feeling that if I let my kid out during school ours I’d have a truant officers knocking on my door. As for services…nah…you say “homeschooled” and most will gasp and then look at you like you are abusing your child. It’s really nice to hear of a more welcoming community for homeschoolers.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I’m one of those sad Michigan friends but I won’t call and yell and you, I’ll just come visit and have some good eats.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I am SO GLAD he finally put the front license plate on for all it symbolizes!!!!!!!! (You love the Buckeyes you can eat, right?)
March 12th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Dawn, we share your love for all things peanut butter and chocolate, but we call those buckeye things “peanut butter balls.” And we make them ourselves so they don’t have any Buckeye propaganda on them, thus making them easier to digest.
Also, when we go to Graeter’s, Bryan has to go in the play area before I order so he doesn’t hear me ask for his favorite ice cream, which is called Buckeye Blitz. And then when I bring it to him, I have to say, “Here’s your chocolate peanut butter ice cream, which is in no way endorsed by or affiliated with the Buckeyes of THE Ohio State University.” And then I have to spit three times.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Abby—who knew that you blogged ’til I read the entry on Metro today. Guess I shouldn’t just get the digest form of Metro posts. I’ve been missing out on some funny, funny stuff.
Tanya
March 13th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
We like you, too! We’re glad you are here, says I, who have lived here for almost 7 years now, so I can say that.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Ha! We owned our Jeep for four years. We never, ever put on our front license plate. We got out of a ticket once because our front bumper was cracked where I hit a deer and the police office thought that’s why we didn’t have the license plate attached.
HA!
(nice to meet you)
March 14th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I love it that you guys are here!!!! I love it that you are finally willing to call this place your home. Michigan has things to offer too. But things better appreciated on vacations and driving through. Columbus, it’s where the heart is!!
March 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
As a grad of U of M, living in Columbus for over 20 years now, I can tell you that it really does get easier. Maybe easier for me since I was a football hating music major even back in school, but it will get easier for you too. Trust me. And, goddess forgive me, I have somehow spawned a Buckeye fan. Forgive her. She has never seen the wonder of Ann Arbor.