Lest I Be Misunderstood
I love my life. I’m doing exactly what I always wanted to do. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love staying home with them and I especially love homeschooling. I loved breastfeeding long enough for the weaning stories to include lines like, “Your milk’s all gone, Mama. It went down the drain in your nipple.” I love co-sleeping and I love gentle discipline. However, I’m fully aware that in doing all of these attach-y type things, it is part of an effort to re-do my childhood. I was raised by people who didn’t have very good childhoods. I believe both of my parents have attachment disorders. I believe I have an attachment disorder. And I believe I didn’t know what love was until that first day that I walked out of the hospital and left Lena and Liberty there because they were too premature to come home with me. I further believe that if I hadn’t co-slept and breastfed these girls on demand, I would not have been able to take that fierce mama love and translate it into attachment. I believe my parents love me, but attachment is a whole different thing.
Anyway, I’m putting this out there because, while I would not trade my life for anything, sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard. And sometimes I write about it with a derisive style and I don’t want people to get the wrong idea. I don’t tell my kids that I think they are black holes of need. That would be mean. I try to meet their needs and then I meet my needs by drinking. Just kidding! I try to meet their needs and it is impossible. Because they’re children. This impossibility and my inadequacy as a mother weigh on me and I deal with it, like I deal with most things, with sarcasm. Self-preservation can be ugly. I’m just trying to make it a little bit funny. The end.
March 9th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Bravo! Let’s just hope that all these attach-y type things we do will enable them to not be enablers so that they can have healthy relationships. It is such simple things we want for our kids and I pray that they appreciate it someday (who am I kidding?!?!). If we weren’t sarcastic about it how would we make it through each day?
March 9th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
You clearly suck as a mother for having any needs at all.
Yeah. Word. I love my boys. I love them wild and free. But, oy vay, I need a beer sometimes.
March 9th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Wondering why you feel the need to define and defend your self. Did someone from cyberspace say something mean to you? Who are they? Tell me, I’ll kick their @$$. Cause I got your back sister!
March 10th, 2008 at 7:48 am
LOL, Kristen. I’ll keep that in mind!
March 10th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
This is too funny, Abby, and very apropo for me today! Thanks for the good chuckle!
March 10th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Oh my sister commented! She’s so cute with the commenting in cyberspace just like a real blogger! (Note: She never comments on my blog unless the entry is somehow about HER. Typical!)
March 10th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Hi Erica! Don’t listen to Dawn. You know how baby sisters can be. Well, I’m not like that, but most of them are. I’ve been exemplary in my baby sisterhood.
In fact, I’m such a good baby sister that if you wanted to adopt me and give me some of your awesome crafty good things that you make, I would be so cool with that. Seriously.
(that’s your cue, Readers, to go up and click on Erica’s name and buy some of her rockin’ stuff)
March 11th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Um , I really don’t like the hard-sell approach the overly-sarcastic writer of this blog is taking.
Off to nurture my children with all the goodness I can muster…