You Should Not Get a Perm
I just checked out the keyword searches that cause some poor suckers to stumble across my blog when they’re actually looking for information on the internet, and I just want to say that there are way too many people googling “perm 2009″ or “2009 perms” or “should I get a perm” or something like that. FYI, a 2009 perm is the same as a 1989 perm. Maybe you don’t carry a pick around with you in your back pocket, but it’s still the same damn thing. Please don’t get a perm. Just because skinny jeans and, apparently, harem pants are back in (thanks for that tip, kjames), does not mean you should get a perm.
I was a little bit offended that google sent somebody here when they searched for “my sister-in-law drinks too much.” I don’t drink too much, google! But then I noticed that it didn’t really bring them to my whole blog, it just brought them to all of the posts that I tagged with “Tracy.” Haha, Tracy, the internet knows you drink too much.
I’m sad for the people (person?) who searched for “c0ck stretchy pants” and “advantages of gay s3x.” You must be very disappointed in google right now. I think there might not be any advantage unless you’re gay and then, well, the advantage is the gay s3x. That’s just my opinion, but I think it would be pretty advantageous for a gay person to have gay s3x. Maybe one of my gay-er readers could clear that up. As for the c0ck, well, I’m very sorry you wasted your time here. To my knowledge, there is nary a c0ck to be found on this site. Defnitely not one clothed in stretchy pants, but you might like this site that my friend emailed to me yesterday. I’m not going to call her out on it because she might be embarrassed. And rightly so. It’s called Awkward B0ners. Go ahead, click it. You’ll love it because many of the awkward b0ners are in stretchy pants. You’re welcome. Oh, um, that site is NSFW and NSFC. It’s true. The site with the word “b0ners” in the title is not the least bit safe for work or children. I thought I might better spell that out for some of you.
Last, but not least, everybody is googling those stupid effing 0ne-a-day teen v1tamins. And they find them on my blog. I still get comments from dumb teens on that post. “Um, like, it’s not sexist, if, like, I totally want clear skin. Muscles are for boys. Clear skin is for girls. That’s not sexism, that’s, like, the truth.” The fact that the post clearly says that even my ten year olds can see the sexism does not give these teens pause when they leave their comments. I have no hope for the future.
On a related note, who the hell googles, “can adults take 0ne-a-day teen v1tamins?” and “if I am not a teen can I still take teen vitamins?” You should be slapped. You are like a vitamin cougar. Act your age and get some grown-up acne or muscle medicine you sick, sick vitaped0phile.





